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What To Do When You Don't Feel Loved From Your Spouse

Posted on September 27th, 2015 @ 6:00 am in Love by Keelie Reason
What To Do When You Don't Feel Loved From Your Spouse

Even the best of couples go through a period of time where one or both of them do not feel loved. Usually, these are during times of intense stress between the two. Maybe you are in that place right now. 

If you do not feel loved in your relationship, what is the next step? Do you stay together? Or do you end it? Here are some things to consider.


Identify What They Are Doing That Makes You Feel Unloved
The first place to start is to understand what they are doing that makes you feel unloved. Write down the actions and words that cause you to feel like they do not care for you. Be as specific as possible.

Take as much time as you need to really process the feelings you have before you go to them. You might find that some of the way you feel is on you.

Sometimes, we can allow insecurities to cause us to think people don’t care for us. It is very important that you know exactly what is causing you to feel this way. Also, it will help you articulate what you are feeling to your significant other.


Talk With Your Significant Other About Your Feelings
Before you make judgement calls about their actions and words, tell them how you feel. Don’t jump to the conclusion that what they are doing is so intentional. So often, we take offense to things that were not meant the way we took it.

Go to them and gently explain the way you feel. Give them the benefit of the doubt that what they have done hasn’t been to hurt you. Allow them to explain themselves in regards to their actions.


What If They Don’t Stop The Behavior?
This is where things get really tricky in relationships. You have a problem with something they have done, and then you share it with them. The logical response should be that they need to stop doing the behavior right? That would seem to make sense, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

You can’t force someone to make changes or find things important if they do not. The person you are in relationship with has to decide they will make the changes on their own.

Any type of change will take time. If they have told you they will make the changes, then you need to give them time. Gently remind them that they said they would stop the behavior, but avoid nagging. Otherwise, you will end up in a power struggle with them and they may continue the behavior out of spite.


It’s Time to Make a Decision
It is time to make a decision at this point. You can either choose to stay with them and give them time to change. You can choose to stay with them and be ok that they do not make the changes you requested. You can also decide to end the relationship because it is not healthy for you.
Sometimes, you are in a relationship where you feel unloved, and that is just a perception thing. Other times, you are in a destructive relationship that needs to end because you are genuinely unloved. Part of being in a relationship, is figuring out whether you should stay in it.

 

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