My Dearest Self,
If you are reading this, you are currently stuck in the doldrums and wading through the purgatory whose onslaught is self-doubt. You have probably just gone through yet another unfortunate situation with a guy who didn’t deserve you; such is life. You may not have seen the red flags blaring in the distance, or maybe you did and you chose to ignore them. Regardless, now you are here. You are here and you are praying for a sign, for help, for guidance. You feel lost and alone, like you’ve crawled into the heart of a dark cave with no other spelunkers in sight. Your world is overcome with self-loathing, second guesses, and hatred. You’ve felt this feeling before, and it is the most unfulfilling and terrifying place to be.
He didn’t deserve you. And I’m not just saying that to be cliché; I know how easy it is to justify something verbally as opposed to absorbing the message internally. You need to come to grips with that and realize that you will never disappoint yourself like he disappointed you. You will hold your head high, love every inch of yourself, and treat yourself like the precious gift that you are. Never settle for Hershey’s when you’re worthy of Godiva.
Just remember, there can’t be mountains if there aren’t valleys. People will constantly disappoint and fall short of their promises, but your significance is eternal. Without struggle, there is no appreciation for hope and happiness. At the same time, that doesn’t mean that you can casually let yourself stumble down a black hole into cascading waves of emotional destruction. Realization of self requires courage. The courage in knowing that your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see and appreciate your worth. You are deserving and worthy of all things, and cross your heart, never let anyone make you feel differently. You, not anyone else, determines your price tag. Do not lower yourself, your expectations or your morals to suit anyone’s needs. You must indulge in soulfully delicious love with yourself before you ever attempt to love anyone else. If you don’t believe that you are worth it, who will?
Know, my darling, that “our first love, and last love, is self-love.” Honor this mantra, and keep the words safely nestled in both your heart and mind. When the going gets tough, you can cling to them like a security blanket. Trust yourself, your heart, and your mind. You are beautiful, and can do anything that you set your mind to, despite circumstance and outside influences. And though the world may seem like it’s crumbling right before your very eyes, I assure you that you will survive. One day the tears will subside, you will stop checking your phone for missed calls, and you will feel stronger. You will feel less and less preoccupied about him and focus on his misgivings, why he was undeserving of such a magnificent creature like you.
Above all, just remember that you’re worth it. Always hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Make your happiness a priority, and know that you will never fail, even if a man does let you down time and time again. Just promise me to never forget to fall in love with yourself first.